Something about arguing on the Internet and being retarded...
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Have you ever visited those online forums about MBA admissions? Two popular ones are the student2student forum on Wharton's site and the BusinessWeek forum. If you have visited them, stay tuned. I have a bone to pick. If you haven't visited them, don't. Because if you do, you'll feel the retardation tunnel its way into the deep recesses of your brain.
OK, sure. You want to give people a way to discuss various aspects of the MBA application process, share tips and support each other. Unfortunately, just like any decent idea in life, morons start to get involved and fuck it up. Here are examples of my favorite people on these boards and some Pulitzer Prize winning excerpts from their mind-blowing posts.
The Stat Whore
"Got Ding as expected . Couldn't figure out why. I really need to understand the meaning of transparent as nothing I can see why I got ding.Did you ever stop and consider why they make you write 147 essays about the most mundane shit you did for your extra-curricular activities? Yeah. That's right. Because it prevents stat whores like you from getting into business school. If you really think that your GMAT score alone could have gotten you an interview, then you really didn't deserve one anyways. I can't remember how many times an adcom member or that stupid "How to get an MBA" book said that your stats are just one data point they use to evaluate your candidacy. In fact, I'm willing to bet that after a certain point, they could give a damn if you got a 3.4 or a 3.7 GPA in college. I'm pretty sure they just want people that the entire school isn't going to want to punch in the urethra every time they open their mouths.
M / 9 Years IT / A+ graduateand & post graduate / 760 GMAt ????"
The "I'll Shit Myself if I Have To Wait Any Longer" Guy
"Hmmm so you mean I don't need to compulsively check the site as I've been doing? :PI swear to god. Someday, if I have kids (and I can already hear people out there saying, "Oh god, please no.") that start asking me when Christmas is on a daily basis starting on November 15th, I'm going to build a time machine to go back 10 years and castrate myself. I taught you how to count, now here's a calendar. If you ask me again, I'll kill Santa. Patience is a virtue. I have a lot of it for the application process, but unfortunately, I have none of it for you.
Great (saracastic) - this means I'm either waiting for a phone call with good news... or an email which means otherwise. Sigh. Lord help me through the next 3 weeks..."
The Person Who Sucks at Life
"Friends,I would feel extremely bad for this person if I ever had the capacity to feel bad for another human. Here's why. This person has no friends and is a pathological liar. First, if I got into Harvard and Stanford and received a 160k job offer, the last thing I would do is log onto an Internet forum and seek advice. Unless, of course, I was lying or had no friends to celebrate with. For example, if I said, "I met two wicked hot girls and don't know which one to bang, oh, Internet readers, help me choose!" then you would obviously laugh and kick sand at me. See the parallel? Second, if Harvard has begun to admit people who can't spell "appreciate" without a spell-check, then Harvard is immediately dropped off my list of schools I am interested in.I have come at very confusing moments of my life. Any thoughts are appriciated. I have admit from Wharton with 50 k in schol and from Harvard with no schol. Till yesterday I was confused with what I am going to choose and today I have job offer of $160 K..adding more to my confusion.."
The Admissions Consultant
"well, prob. dont hurt to ask, at the end of the interview, they ask you if you have any questions for them (well, at the end of 60-70 percent of the interviews) and you might ask IN GENERAL if there is some way of getting expedited decision to cover a $$$ship deadline, b.c,. you are facing that choice? I'm pretty sure they will say NO, but that question wont hurt you.A better strategy is just to ask school that accepted you, if you can delay responding for X days.................and even tell them what is on your mind, they may understand?
what does accepting other school mean, saying yes, and giving e.g. $2k???? Best thing is just accept and if you get in to H, tell them immediately, sorry, blah blah, they actually dont care as much as you think, lotsa kids in your situations, and schools have learned to build post accpet/rejections into their systems,"
Are you willing to give $1,000 to a person who has the grammar skills and thought creation process of an autistic 8-year-old? Right. Neither am I. If you wanted to learn how to think on your feet, go into an Irish Pub St. Pattie's day full-clad in orange and start a fight. Admissions consultants to me are kind of like Life Coaches. If you have one, you're a toolbag. Honestly though, good for you, Admissions Consultant. You've found a tardtastic demographic with disposable income to hand you money for something a friend with half a brain could have done for a beer.
The Blogger
There's really nothing worse than some prickwad crying about how much they hate Internet forums and the people on it. Actually, the only worse than that is the guy who does it anonymously and creates some pseudonym he thinks is clever, like "mbahunt". What, do you think MBA AdCom members have nothing better to do than go online, read your shitty diary, figure out who you are and then dock you for being a little bitch? Doubtful.
posted by mbahunt @ 11:28 PM,
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Someone in adcom has been drinking lately...
Friday, February 16, 2007
...because they gave me interviews at Ross and Wharton. Kellogg, Ross and Wharton. Hahaha. Global warming must be affecting hell right now too.
Interviewing is always an interesting experience. When I go to meet my interviewer, I always hope that I'm about to be interviewed by someone who does crack, because the straight-forward interviews are so boring. I want someone to ask me some off the wall questions that really make me think. We all expect the standard fare, so when you ask us a run-of-the-mill question, you're just getting a practiced and recited answer. Here's a rundown of the common (read: boring) questions.
Question: Why an MBA?
What We Say: I feel that an MBA is a logical progression for my professional development. I am learning more than my fair share of skills in my current job, but unfortunately my areas of refinement are at the mercy of what work is readily available. However, by getting an MBA I have the ability to focus my efforts in improving myself in areas I truly want to get into.
What We Mean: I fucking hate my job.
Question: Why now?
What We Say: Being recently promoted, I think that this would be a beneficial time to take a natural break from working and get back into the classroom to recharge myself. I have lofty goals and I could spend years flailing around looking for ways to get there, or I could go to a place that will immediately direct me towards my future.
What We Mean: Because if I have to spend another year doing this shit, I will put a bullet in my pancreas, as a slow and painful death would help me forget how miserable my job makes me feel.
Question: Why this school?
What We Say: When I stepped onto this campus, it just felt right. There's something about the aura that surrounds the students here that makes it feel like home, and I couldn't appreciate that more. That alone tells me there is no other place I'd rather be, but in addition, academically, this school has by far the best opportunities for and the (whatever) department is bar-none the finest in the nation, nay, the world.
What We Mean: Would you rather me recite the shit I memorized from the website or the viewbook?
Question: What would you do after you get your MBA?
What We Say: Where do I start? (laughter) I really love the idea of helping people, and I don't think you have to relegate yourself to a life of sacrifice as a pauper to do so. Immediately after school, I want to get involved with business development in under-developed areas, but my ultimate goal is to open a consulting firm that specializes in helping under-represented minorities gain venture capital to start small businesses.
What We Mean: If you'd guarantee me a quarter million dollar salary, I'd kill babies and wear them as gloves.
Question: What is your biggest flaw?
What We Say: I think that I care too much. Sometimes I just get so passionate about what I do at work that it starts to affect other aspects of my life. Problems that arise at work can make me lose sleep or cause me to become distracted when I'm at home. However, this "flaw" also allows me to immerse myself in whatever I do and continuously perform at a very high level.
What We Mean: Are you kidding me? I'm perfect. They modeled Jesus Christ after me. Well, I guess if I HAD to pick something, I guess it would be that I don't tell people I have herpes until after we bang. But, that's not really a flaw.
posted by mbahunt @ 12:33 AM,
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