How to apply to B-school: Part 1 of 3
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I would like to begin my 3-part mini-series of how to apply to business school, if you apparently want to tank your own changes of getting in. If you follow my quick and easy method, you can, too, not get your ass into business school.
1. Work for a consulting firm.
Consulting firms in general don't make you work that many hours. If you're lucky enough to work for one of the bigger
2. Take on side projects.
Business schools love to see dedicated involvement, especially in projects outside of work that take up a lot of time. Taking on something that you can't possibly complete is a great way to show your ambition and desire. Moreover, the fact that you are doing something that has nothing to do with anything in your future, but is taking up any free time you have will more than make up for your hastily thrown together application. In fact, one admissions director stated, "It's not really the time spent on these applications that we're looking for, but more the fact that the coin landed on heads when we flipped it."
3. Score really well on the GMATs.
Scoring in the 99th percentile of the GMATs will provide you with a sense of invulnerability to the degree at which you don't really think your essays will matter. Ignoring the fact that all schools say that the GMAT is only a small indicator of an applicant, you are afforded the feeling that you are the shit and that any school would commit murder to have you. You are so awesome that you will refuse any school that does not provide blow jobs to all accepted students.
4. Miscalculate the number of months between October and January.
Let me guess, you didn't realize that the 5-7-6 that flopped was a pretty solid straight flop either, eh? That's ok, because the amount of time between 10/2006 and 1/2007 is something like 7 or 8 months. I wouldn't worry about the fact that it's already October and you haven't done anything yet. You have all the time in the world! Literally nothing happens in the months of November and December, like major holidays or family visits, so you have an infinite amount of days to work on and
5. Realize that people who apply to business school are losers and worthless.
You competition is hardly worthy of your lackluster GPA and mediocre at best work experience! In fact, you might want to play up your shortcomings just so you don't look "too good" to accept. It's a fact that there are very few people who are better than you, and those assholes are either rotting in prison or doing porn. Don't stress out about it because even if you happen to stumble into the same application round as other quality candidates (doubtful), the acceptance rates of the best schools are pathetically astronomical, so you should be safe. Business schools are often desperate for new students.
Stay tuned for more acceptance-gaining tips!
posted by mbahunt @ 8:47 PM,
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